Information and support for widows, widowers and others who grieve over the death of a loved one.

Advice to Others    

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Those who deal with someone who has lost a loved one often find it difficult to know what to say or what to do. Here are some do's and don'ts - not cardinal rules, more like suggestions from those on the receiving end.

bulletDon't ask,  "How are you doing?". There is no honest answer to that question that you want to hear.
bulletDon't say, "I know how you must feel". You don't.
bulletDo say, "It's good to see you".
bulletDon't say, "You look like you're dealing well with it". What you see is a facade.
bulletDo bring over dinner. Or ask to meet for dinner - but don't take a refusal personally, they may just wish to be alone.
bulletDon't bring dinner in crockery you ever want to see again - you won't. (They don't remember where it came from.)
bulletDon't set him or her up with that attractive divorcee you know. They'll decide when it's time to start dating.
bulletDo connect on the tough days (anniversaries, holidays, birthdays,...). These are very difficult to get through alone.
bulletDo call on other days too - just to talk. Your support is very important to someone who has suffered such a loss. Let him or her know you are there without overstepping your bounds. 
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