PHOENIX RISING

 Information and support for widows, widowers and others who grieve over the death of a loved one.

Dating    

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When, or whether, a widow or widower starts dating again is entirely up to her or him - a totally individual decision - no right answer. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

On the other hand,  few comments from those who have done it may help:

bulletDon't try to replace your loved one. It's time to move on.
bulletYour new relationship will be very different - it must be, for your needs, state of your life, what you have to give are all different.
bulletDon't expect your children to be happy about this - no matter what they say about just wanting you to be happy, they probably won't like it.
bulletAbove all, take it slowly. One step at a time.

In any case it's going to be awkward, like being 17 again and not knowing what to do. The people you meet are probably going to be a divorcees or widow(er)s, with their own emotional baggage. Some say it's easier with a widow(er) as you share the same kind of loss - some, in fact, find it hard to trust divorcees (Why did they end it?). Just as you need to share, you also need to protect each other's privacy.

Take time to think about what you really want in a relationship. Set high standards for yourself and try not to enter a relationship just to fill the present void. Stay with your high values and, if someone isn't right for you, move on.

Dating Services

These come in two basic types:

bulletInternet sites than post your profile (age, sex, interests, etc.) and let you search other profiles and start communicating with ones that sound promising. Fees run about $25/month.
bulletPersonalized dating services, some that include interviews, profiles and videos. You can then view others' profiles and videos and they, in turn, can check yours. These are considerably more expensive. (On a personal note, we met through such a service and now we're happily married.)

Both approaches claim many happy-marriage success stories. Others swear by local singles get-togethers and social clubs.

One thing is clear, once you've made the decision not to spend the rest of your life single, you can't expect your new love to just show up at the door. You need to work at it and be patient.

 
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